By Bianca Loker – eMErge Coaching
MORE ON BOUNDARIES – SETTING AND MAINTAINING BOUNDARIES, WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT?
“A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends . . . The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is, of course, to protect and take good care of you”BIANCA LOKER
Creating Emotional Boundaries is the process of separating your emotions and feelings from those of another. When trying to figure out what boundaries are: imagine a fence – INSIDE of the fence are your emotions and feelings; on the other side, OUTSIDE of the fence are the emotions and feelings of the other person. The fence is the boundary that differentiates them i.e. the line where your emotions end and the other person’s start.
I’ts also useful to think of your boundaries as your own personal guidelines for how you expect to be treated and how you will respond if those limits are pushed – in this context, emotionally.
The thing I love most about Healthy Boundaries is: BOUNDARIES DEMAND RESPECT! (From yourself as well as others). When you have clarity on what your boundaries are, as well as what the consequences for violating them are, people are left with little choice but to respect them..During this time of the global Covid-19 pandemic and Lockdown situation, it is becoming increasingly difficult for many people to separate their feelings and emotions from those around them. When battling to differentiate your feelings from someone elses, remember: OBSERVE; DON’T ABSORB!
Also, we are now constantly surrounded by people who ordinarily, outside of lockdown, we’d have a break from in some way and some of us are having our “buttons continually pressed” by others. This is where our Emotional Boundaries also come in – how we deal with and communicate having our boundaries pushed, ignored or violated.
WHY DO WE NEED BOUNDARIES:
12 things Boundaries allow for:
Positive Mental Health
High Self Esteem, Self Respect and Self Worth
Taking Personal Responsibility – Recognition of your own feelings and emotions
A sense of Personal Identity
Feeling Empowered to be Assertive and Firm
Feeling Empowered to express your Feelings and Emotions
Feeling Empowered to say NO
15 signs that your Boundaries need attention:
Feeling like a Victim or Martyr
Feeling Continuously taken advantage of
Battling to say no
Saying yes when you actually want to say no
Feeling guilty when others don’t like your boundaries
Feeling continually or often disrespected
Feeling emotionally drained by other people
Feeling unable to distinguish between your feelings and those of others
Not being able to stand up for yourself
Feeling guilty when you do stand up for yourself
Battling to recognise other people’s boundaries
Feeling like you never get what YOU want
Battling to make decisions for yourself
Feeling like you don’t know who you are
Before you consider implementing your boundaries to be a selfish act, I want you to think about these questions:
What do you believe makes you less important than the next person?
Why do you believe that putting yourself first is wrong?
And now, this statement:
“The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none”Unkown
If you want to learn more about Emotional Boundaries you can download the FREE workbook here
You can get in touch with Bianca at email@example.com